Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
