It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
