I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
