at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
