I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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