somebody snuck up and got me drunk
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drake has all the answers
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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