He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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