Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
