finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
