well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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