I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
