the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
as a side note pls kill me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
