The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
