ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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