He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
