You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need moral support for this bender
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
