Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
