Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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