I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
