I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
