I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
