***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
