i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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