Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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