You're so nebulous sometimes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
