this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
