Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
