Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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