Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
