someone threw a dead crab at me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
