it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
