I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Still dying that you shit outside
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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