There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
