I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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