The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
