Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
