You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
