Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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