I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
