Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
