You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
