Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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