Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My bed smells like the plague
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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