I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
