You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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