Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
