i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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