I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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