I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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