You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
