hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
