I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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