I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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